CONFERENCE CONFIDENTIAL: A Memo To My Co-Worker Who Outed My Blog

Article Summary: This post reveals my reaction to my co-worker who outed my blog to my boss and team, the viral post that followed, advice I’d give them and my lessons learned from it all. The incident boils down to privacy, purpose, and power.

Background

At a recent event, my project team and I were set to present about some of the successes and challenges we faced. I would be one of 2 main speakers, and the rest of the team would be prepared to chime in for subsections and a Q&A portion.  

During a morning huddle, a junior team member made a big announcement about me. She revealed to senior team members that I have a blog. 

While she didn’t name it, she did elicit a shocked response from others and from me.

Her words said, “Casey’s a blogger, I don’t know why she’s embarrassed you’re a really good writer.”  

Her tone said “Do you guys want to know a secret; Casey’s a blogger.”  

Adding insult to injury, she shared that “(Casey) didn’t tell me, I spent half a day looking for it.” To which my Sr. Project Manager said “That should have been a clue not to tell anybody.” We somehow moved on to another topic. Crisis averted…for now. 

I went on to do a great job speaking and singing the praises of my team. I even shouted her out for her work on a major pilot program. But as I reflect on the incident, I have several thoughts. Thoughts I hope she reads and absorbs if and when she reads my blog.  

But as I reflect on the incident, I have several thoughts. Thoughts I hope she reads and absorbs if and when she reads my blog.

Casey

Privacy 

Here’s the thing, I’m well aware that my blog is published and searchable. It can sometimes be shocking and controversial. I have no shame about what I write here. 

Yes, I write about work, I also write about secret identities, and corporate spying and interesting angles for competitive edge. Do you know why? Because it adds some mystery and excitement to a world that’s sometimes…well fucking boring!  

I don’t openly share this with my colleagues because they’d likely be less open about their career plans, or how they’d maneuver a problem.  

If you knew your coworker wrote screenplays or songs about real life, would you act differently around them? Probably. And deep down I think she knew that.  

Black and white photo of woman holding books looking at library shelves

Purpose 

I love writing and research. My job doesn’t require a lot of that. So, this blog is a way for me to stay sharp with both.  

I started it when my career had stalled. I was discouraged by a bad player at another job. I wanted to remind myself that I had value and important things to say.  

Knowing that my higher ups could find this body of work, this blog doubles as a portfolio. It showcases some of the layers I don’t get to share at work. Who knows, one day it could become a whole business. Chess not checkers, right? 

Sometimes, people get insecure that what you’re offering is more – more layered, more helpful, more inspiring than what they are willing to offer.   

The truth is, the people who expose other people’s private lives, lack purpose themselves.  

If the girl who shan’t be named had purpose and meaning in her own life and career, she would be talking about that. Not me.  

The truth is, the people who expose other people’s private lives, lack purpose themselves. 

Casey
Threads.net Screenshot 1
Threads.net Screenshot 2

Power 

When I shared my outing story with my Threads audience, I got an overwhelming response. The post went viral (77K views at the time this writing). Many people responded saying that the girl was making a power move. 

I now firmly believe she didn’t have good and pure intentions. Frankly, our personalities and work styles clash at times; although as her superior I do my best to stay focused on the work. I’m human. So is she.  

Nonetheless, I’ll try not to be petty in the words that follow. 

Here’s what she should have done to get attention without throwing someone under the bus.  

Build Your Portfolio 

You gain power when you can offer something. Not when you take things. She took my privacy away, when she should have been offering her own skills and expertise from working on the front lines.  

In fact, she had plenty she COULD have offered; it would have required effort and the skills that I’ve already mastered. Skills like knowing how to package your work in a way that gets the attention of your superiors – a portfolio.  

My portfolio got me to the stage. She SHOULD have been taking notes.

Tip #1

Having a portfolio means you have something business-related you can talk about when there’s a lull in the conversation.  

Having a portfolio means you’ve spent time thinking about the meaningful things you’ve done and how it affected the company’s ability to make or save money.  

Having a portfolio means you are intentional about your career, and that you won’t just take whatever pops up on the job boards, or suffer for years in a dead-end job. 

Portfolio = Power  

Power = Control 

Making your case for a promotion doesn’t start in your annual review. I recommend this book by John Beeson to start finding ways to package your work portfolio.   

Affiliate Link DISCLAIMER: I get commissions for purchases made through links in this post.

Look Wider and Think Further Ahead 

My second thought after she revealed my hobby was that her actions were impulsive. It showed that she was careless about what comes out of her mouth.  

Instead of thinking about what this moment could mean for long term trust, she went for instant discrediting. Only it backfired.  

Tip # 2

Next time, I’d advise her to look for words that demonstrated that she understood the bigger picture of what this event and presentation could mean for her career.  

For instance, if she was less forthcoming with gossip, it would have built trust with our team, and would have shown other teams (ones she could be transferred to) that she had integrity and would keep the business secrets safe. 

If she spoke more about where she saw the company/industry headed over the next 5 –10 years, she might secure her position for at least that long. 

As Robert Greene, legendary author of the 48 Laws of Power, Mastery, and The Art of Seduction puts it in his meditations book The Daily Laws,  

“In any competitive environment…the person [with the] more global perspective will inevitably prevail…such a person will be able to think beyond the moment and control the overall dynamic through careful strategizing. Most people are perpetually locked in the present…easily emotional…. You must [observe] the rivals in your field but dissect and uncover their weaknesses [and thus separate] yourself further from the competition.”  

The Daily Laws, p. 89 

Because of her narrow-minded outburst, lack of contribution to the event, and without much of a body of work to speak for I’m doubtful she’ll be invited back next year.  

Act Like a King/Queen to be Treated Like One 

One of my favorite points Robert Greene makes about power moves is that you can fake it ‘til you make it. Meaning, if you dress and act the part, you’ll likely get the part.  

Con-artists like Ana Delvey (Sorokin) of Netflix’s Inventing Anna and Frank Abignale of Catch Me if you Can fame showed us this in real life. Actors show us this when we believe they really are the characters they portray—based on the costumes and mannerisms of the role. 

Anna Sorokin at home 2022 | SOURCE: Wikimedia Commons

It’s ironic for me because I don’t consider myself to be particularly stylish. But I knew for this short time I could pull together the looks that would make me stand out and feel confident that I fit the role I want. 

Tip #3

The way she could have “acted like a queen” would have been to polish up her table manners and speaking skills, have an elevator pitch ready, and dress in a way that showed she took herself and the work seriously.  

Instead of chatting about needing coffee or alcohol to get through the day, she could have showed she was in control of her mood and shared how she was excited to learn more about each project.  

My Lessons Learned 

I learned a thing or two myself from this.  

Smarter  

First, I’ve added a disclaimer to my site and socials that my opinions are my own and do not reflect the values and views of my employer. Protecting myself and my company in the process.  

Wiser 

Second, I’m wiser to ways people move when they’re at the top of their game. People at the top are far more controlled and discrete than I used to be when I was an administrative assistant.  

I now see how it looked when I’d complain, or gossip, or was too talkative at work. At times it was harmless. I was naive and inexperienced. Other times it was a result of insecurity and just plain mean. I regret those times, and am glad I’ve matured.  

Stronger 

Finally, I’ve learned that all the work I’ve done to be “THAT GIRL” is paying off. I believed in myself and I moved accordingly. 

PMP Exam Study Guide

If I didn’t study for my PMP when people doubted I was capable, I wouldn’t have been ready when the job presented itself.  

If I didn’t practice public speaking in Toastmasters when nothing in my job description required it, I wouldn’t have been ready to speak confidently at this event.  

If I didn’t learn about construction, economics, finance, strategy, and so on, I wouldn’t have known what things to talk about with my executive team to give me an edge. 

I believed in myself and moved accordingly.

Casey

I’m glad the cat’s out of the bag. I’ll be back with more soon posts. Feel free to comment below about your own outing experiences. 

For media or guest appearances please email me at crazywallcasey@gmail.com or message me on Instagram. @crazywallcasey on all platforms.  

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